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<DIV><FONT face=Arial size=2>Hope you don't mind, but I thought I would
pass on contest results (among family and friends) about animal
cliches. My husband says they are overbearing. Oh, and Penny is our
lab/golden mix. linda</FONT></DIV>
<DIV style="FONT: 10pt arial">----- Original Message -----
<DIV style="BACKGROUND: #e4e4e4; font-color: black"><B>From:</B> <A
href="mailto:lindafowens@netzero.net"
title=lindafowens@netzero.net>lindafowens</A> </DIV>
<DIV><B>To:</B> <A href="mailto:lindafowens@netzero.net"
title=lindafowens@netzero.net>lindafowens</A> </DIV>
<DIV><B>Sent:</B> Wednesday, February 12, 2003 9:34 AM</DIV>
<DIV><B>Subject:</B> A Dog's Life</DIV></DIV>
<DIV><BR></DIV>
<DIV><FONT face=Arial size=2>
<P class=MsoNormal style="MARGIN-LEFT: 1.5in">A DOG’S LIFE by Penny</P>
<P class=MsoNormal>Doggone, I was sick as a dog, and dog-tired as well, in my
dog-eat-dog world, when I landed in the Snake Pit.<SPAN
style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </SPAN>I wanted to eat like a hog, but I got to
sweat like a pig.<SPAN style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </SPAN>I tried to be
cool as a moose, but it got my dander up when that sly-as-a-fox boss of mine
pussy-footed around with his monkeyshines, then carped when I didn’t make a
beeline to his den of iniquity.<SPAN style="mso-spacerun: yes">
</SPAN>That proud as a peacock, chicken-hearted worm-boy looked a gift horse in
the mouth when he asked if the cat had got my tongue.<SPAN
style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </SPAN>Not one to change horses in mid-stream,
or clam up, I grabbed the bull by the horns and brayed that he’d bugged me once
too often, and that someone like me who soars like an eagle is as scarce as
hen’s teeth.<SPAN style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </SPAN>“I don’t horse around
and I’m not a cold fish, bird-brain, so while you are tomcatting around, your
snowbunny deserves the lion’s share of the profits.”<SPAN
style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </SPAN>“When pigs fly,” nixed my now ex-boss,
that snake-in-the-grass, “You’re about as graceful as a cow on snowshoes or a
bull in a china shop. <SPAN style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </SPAN>You’re always
monkeying around, hen-pecking, trying to pull the wool over my eyes.<SPAN
style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </SPAN>Your goose is cooked. You ought to be
hog-tied and horse-whipped. Replacing you would be as easy as shooting fish in a
barrel, even in this one-horse town.” “What’s good for the goose is good for the
gander, and I’m not going to be your scapegoat,” I yelped at that bug-eyed
dog-in-a-manger whom I used to lionize, “Get yourself a pig-in-a-poke. You can’t
buffalo me; working here pays as much as white-washing rat manure and selling it
for rice, and I can tell the sheep from the goats,” I screeched like an
owl.<SPAN style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </SPAN>“While I’ve been as busy as a
beaver, I don’t have bats in my belfry.<SPAN style="mso-spacerun: yes">
</SPAN>An elephant never forgets.<SPAN style="mso-spacerun: yes">
</SPAN>Now I’m wise as an owl.<SPAN style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </SPAN>No
bear hugs for you.<SPAN style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </SPAN>I was blind as a
bat, when out of puppy love, this teddy bear may have duck-walked into a
hornet’s nest, but now I’m free as a bird!<SPAN style="mso-spacerun: yes">
</SPAN>I may be a slug-a-bed, have ants in my pants and a bee in my bonnet, but
I’m a foxy lady!”<SPAN style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </SPAN>That nitwit
jackass swine was always trying to white-ant me, to badger me into being as
timid as a mouse.<SPAN style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </SPAN>I’ll cook his
goose!<SPAN style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </SPAN>No more sticking like a
limpet in this game of cat and mouse.<SPAN style="mso-spacerun: yes">
</SPAN>I may be as naked as a jaybird and have butterflies in my stomach, but
now that I’m eagle-eyed, I’m as fit as a flea.<SPAN
style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </SPAN>I don’t live high off the hog. I’ve
squirreled away a little cash; now I’ll wolf down some chow and get drunk as a
skunk like a duck takes to water.<SPAN style="mso-spacerun: yes">
</SPAN></P>
<P class=MsoNormal><SPAN
style="mso-tab-count: 1">
</SPAN>“That’s a whale of a tale,” said my lion-hearted old cowboy pal Piggy,
whom I’ve known since I was knee-high to a grasshopper. He was catnapping at the
ducky Oxbow Café between bulldozing jobs.<SPAN style="mso-spacerun: yes">
</SPAN>“That slimy toad is full of bull, a wolf in sheep’s clothing who doesn’t
deserve to be as happy as a hog on ice.<SPAN style="mso-spacerun: yes">
</SPAN>I’ll get his goat but good!<SPAN style="mso-spacerun: yes">
</SPAN>A little bird told me about a goateed cat burglar who’ll corner him like
a rat and get him off his high horse.”<SPAN style="mso-spacerun: yes">
</SPAN>“Don’t count your chickens before they hatch; he’s slippery as an eel,” I
cautioned, “a real turkey who might duck out of this bugaboo.”<SPAN
style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </SPAN>“That’s a horse of a different color,”
barked Piggy, “But I’m as stubborn as a mule.<SPAN
style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </SPAN>Hot dog, we’ll outfox him, you doe-eyed
lamb.<SPAN style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </SPAN>Just don’t let the cat out of
the bag until he’s stuck like a pig.” “I’d love to be a fly on the wall,” I
chirped.<SPAN style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </SPAN>“Horsefeathers!” Piggy
squealed, “He’s a dirty, low-down, sheepish, flea-bitten, weasely goose,” Piggy
horse-laughed.<SPAN style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </SPAN>“Then I’ll shed
crocodile tears, and thanks for being my mother hen.”<SPAN
style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </SPAN>“Your bark was always worse than your
bite, Ducks,” Piggy cooed.<SPAN style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </SPAN>To which
I replied, “Rats!”</P>
<P class=MsoNormal>Moral #1: Can a leopard change its spots?</P>
<P class=MsoNormal>Moral #2: If a chicken had lips, could it whistle?</P>
<P class=MsoNormal>Moral #3: If only the bluebird of happiness could breed like
rabbits.</P>
<P class=MsoNormal>Moral #4:<SPAN style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </SPAN>Does
honey really catch more flies than vinegar?</P>
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